Home Alone


With that title I’ve already mislead you. I’m not really alone, and no, I don’t mean that in the Halloween spooky sense. I’m with three cats and a dog, all of them somewhat benign companions that help me from spiraling down just by being there.

I am, however, the only human here, since Isya vacationed in Dumaguete for a little over a month. Little to no human interaction has made me retreat further into introspection, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing in my opinion.

Let me share some of them here. J’aime tellement cette sélection.1

All house chores on me

The repetitive nature of domestic work, to me, can alleviate some stress. I put them all in a routine, and on most days, the tasks seem to get done “automatically.”

However, it’s not every day that I get to complete all house chores. Sometimes, I get too caught up in my work so that by the end of the day, I only have a couple functioning brain cells left and barely energy left.

Uncertainties

The COVID pandemic has not only put to surface the fragility of the current systems that make society function, but also constantly nags them as if to encourage an imminent collapse.

For example, a lot of things in our modern life require some form of importation. As we continue to rely on outsourcing our needs and wants, the strain on environmental resources grows. This way of life won’t be sustainable, no matter the ways of greenwashing.

I read a contrapoint somewhere that goes something like: there won’t be a collapse; just an unending descent to dread and misery.

Feelings

Thinking and feeling becomes an everyday task of the lonesome man of the house. This is good, in my opinion; I get to analyze myself, know myself more through the cycles of emotions, and understand how each of them are triggered by which stimulus.

In the past, I rationalized every move. But now is the time to be more human, to feel feelings as they are meant to be, not be intellectualized!

I just need to remind myself to pull myself from the introspection limbo from time to time. People who overthink will have a higher chance at The Good Life if they process their thoughts in healthier ways.

No Smoking

I was reading the lyrics of Cornerstone by Arctic Monkeys in Genius, complete with annotation. And a thought jumped at me: I suddenly missed smoking for a moment.

I doubt that’s internally true; I just miss its aesthetic.

I don’t miss the smell, and how it lingers on every surface, including my hair and skin. I don’t miss how people move away from me because of said smell (stench, really). I don’t miss the addiction, the financial costs to sustain it, the damage on my body it has caused.


  1. “I love this selection.” ↩︎



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